Thursday, March 29, 2007

A GIRL AND A WOMAN IN ITALY

My Cardiff hairdresser, who happened to be Sicilian, had a print of this photo displayed prominently in his salon. It is a very attractive photo and is an excellent evocation of the period [1951]. The young men certainly seem to be enjoying themselves but take a closer look at the girl: does she seem happy to you? I've always thought that she looks rather uncomfortable for, flattering though it can be, there comes a point where such attention can also feel threatening.

Some of the comments I received in response to yesterday's Manuel post set me thinking and remembering: when I first came to Italy, in 1969, I was followed everywhere by young and older men. I think it was just because I was pale-skinned and blonde at a time when British girls had a reputation for being very free and easy with their favours whilst Italian girls were hardly let out of the house! I used to find it all quite frightening because a man with good intentions does not, as a rule, approach a woman in the street in Britain. I used to run home to Lucia [to whose family I had been engaged to teach English] to tell her my woes and she would just laugh kindly at me. "How is a man going to get to know you if he doesn't speak to you?" she would ask. "What do you think the passeggiata is for?"

As I grew older and kept coming back, the attention lessened and one good thing about ageing is that it does "free" you in this way. But you do not become invisible to men as you do in Britain once you are over 50. An Italian man will still, sometimes approach you and there is still, from time to time, unwelcome attention. Men of your acquaintance, whether married or not, will always notice what you are wearing or what your perfume is and remark upon it and Italian men can certainly turn a phrase!

- Which brings me to the "spiel". Oh, I did enjoy this when I was younger! The men had the wooing phrases ready for the compliment-starved British girls off pat. It would begin with some remarks about your fair beauty, move along to how he would like to give a rose to this incomparable English one ["Welsh!" I would hiss at this point] meander down paths concerning the fact that there was no one like you in the whole of Italy and end with your eager swain threatening to throw himself off a balcony or bridge [whichever was nearer] if you did not satisfy his ardour. The "Welsh!" correction was my undoing, really, for if you interrupted, he couldn't just continue with the next part - oh, no! It all had to start again and before you knew it it would be 1 am and Mamma would be waiting up for him!

I have no idea what it is like to be young, pretty and foreign in Italy these days, of course, but I would imagine that the girls have become more assertive and the young men not noticeably less romantic!

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

"What do you think the passeggiata is for?"

Do tell, Welshcakes, for I don't have a clue..

Anonymous said...

"How is a man going to get to know you if he doesn't speak to you?"

Indeed - how does this work in Britain these days ? Nobody talks to each other anymore - well, certainly not in England, anyway..

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Hi, anon. Well, the passeggiata is the evening stroll that everyone takes. It has several purposes: you dress up in your finery to be seen; you observe other people's dress; you MAY meet the love of your life. A passeggiata also takes place after church on fine, celebratory days. The origin of this in Sicily is that the men had to be seen on Sundays in order to be hired for farmwork for the coming week. Sad that in Britain our lives are so frenetic that we don't stop and talk to people. That has not yet happened here.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, don't really understand this 'dress up in your finery to be seen' thing. Why ? Is this for young, free and single people to date others ? If so it appears to have been replaced in Britain by binge drinking, and no one of that age takes much care over their appearance anyway. Is this the equivalent of the spanish 'siesta' habit ? Or is it just a stroll after church on Sunday ? I think a bit more explanation is required...

Perhaps you could do a post about this ?

Anonymous said...

Welshcakes - I am not sure I believe that the 'not talking to people' thing is anything to do with our busy lives. I think people stopped doing this over twenty years ago, when life was a lot less busy.

I certainly find it bizarre when out with my parents [especially in England] when I pop off to the loo, or whatever, and come back to find them in animated conversation with two or three people. I am often not introduced and when they have gone I ask 'Who were they'. I expect that they are old friends, but am usually told, 'Oh, we have only just met them...'.

I think it is more of an English thing - they are too polite to get rid of someone if they don't have very much in common, so they avoid that by not starting a conversation.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Hi, anon. No, not only for the young! It's for everybody! Italians are very fashion-conscious, you see, so the walk is partly so that everyone can see your clothes! The stroll on Sundays takes place after morning church. Then again after siesta at around 18.00 . On Saturday evenings it goes on for hours! And you don't see any drunkenness here , not even among the young. But I will, as you suggest, post on it. Thanks for the idea!

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Hi again, anon. That's an interesting theory you have there!

Anonymous said...

I'm sure you still get your deserving share of unwanted attention. Smile

Lee said...

It can be very disconcerting when someone goes on and on like that. I'm afraid I'm a little sceptical and cynical when flattery flows so freely! lol I guess it's just the way we are. But the Italians are different...it is the way they are and most mean no harm by it.

jmb said...

When I went to Florence with a group in 1997, we had a young blonde girl with us. She was always being accosted by Italian men. Once on the bus three of us had to surround her to get one fellow to leave her alone. He still was persistent. Every day coming to language school she had to pass some fellows working on the road way and she had a terrible time.
I think Italians just love blondes.
Regards
jmb

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Thanks, Steve. Hi, Lee. Agree - most Ital men don't mean any harm by it and would be horrified to know that anyone thought they did. But you still have to be careful. jmb, that's probably it!

Ruthie said...

I think it must be genetic, even American Italian men are precisely this way.

When I was a little girl in New York (13, 14 years old) my hair would get very light in the summer-- and they would stand on their stoops in my neighborhood and call out to every girl who walked by, especially the blondes.

Now that I'm grown, brunette and thoroughly Italian-looking, I must not be as interesting. When I was in Little Italy last June the unwanted comments were significantly fewer and farther between.

Someone should study why Italian men love blondes.

Ballpoint Wren said...

I've always thought that poor gal in that photograph looked very uncomfortable and I even felt a little angry at the men in it for making her so. I mean, there were so many of them, and only one of her, couldn't they understand how she'd feel?

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Hi, Ruthie. You're right . Someone should do a study. Bonnie, glad you agree with me on that girl looking uncomfortable.

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