Tuesday, February 12, 2008

HOW TO CONVINCE THE SICILIANS...

... that the British are completely mad:

1. Announce that you don’t have a TV in the kitchen.
2. Try explaining “The Archers”! As soon as you mention that it is a radio and not a TV programme your audience will gaze at you with incredulity, for how could anyone follow a radio programme, much less be addicted to it?!
3. Remind them that we drive on the left.
4. Tell them that not all houses have a utility room or two bathrooms in Britain and that the washing machine lives, more often than not, in the kitchen.
5. Admit that you iron as little as possible.
6. Tell them that we finish Xmas lunch long before 5pm!
7. Explain that in Britain, at formal dinner parties, cheese is eaten after dessert. Add that we then have coffee, possibly accompanied by mint chocolates, and they will all run to the loo to retch!
8. Inform a class that the correct response to “How do you do?” is “How do you do?”
9. Suggest that they have a lesson during the long lunch break rather than late in the evening.
10. If you really want them rolling in the aisles, use a text about hobbies in a certain well-known English language exam preparation book: it mentions “train-spotting” as a strange hobby and the thought of people doing this in the midst of a British winter makes my dear students weep with laughter!

26 comments:

Leslie: said...

Well, I think we Canadians (most of us anyway) would think it kind of weird to listen to a radio program like that. But we DO drive on the same side as the Italians, which helps us to navigate better. And we have utility (or laundry) rooms and find it odd that you Brits have yours under the kitchen counter. Maybe I'm half Brit and half Italian. :D

jmb said...

Well you have to admit train-spotting is a very strange "hobby" and not very common.

But at least you are keeping them rolling in the aisles and what more could you ask? Well I suppose that they learn some English and actually pass those exams.

Sounds like fun is being had by all.

Eurodog said...

Not forgetting the hot tap on the right and the cold tap on the left.
And warm beer without froth and the wine brought up to room temperature by sitting the bottle on the hob whilst cooking the meal.
What about jelly as a pudding? Children adore this. Mine did.

RobW said...

You mustn't forget queuing, Getting too drunk and Cliff Richard...

James Higham said...

Had to chuckle through that one. Quite an insight.

Anonymous said...

I am rapidly going off the Sicilians and may reconsider the Sicily by Coach on a budget tour I had preliminarily booked... what happened to the food parcel then I am starving you know?!

Whispering Walls said...

And that's not even mentioning drinking tea with milk all day long and walking in the midday sun.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Hi, Leslie. You haven't lived till you listen to "The Archers"! Perhaps you are half Ital! Hi, jmb. Yes, I think are having fun and that they are learning at the same time! Hi, eurodog. I must remember to tell them about those, too. - And those, Rob! Thanks, James. Hi, Mutley. I am awaiting your address and then I'll even go to the post office for you! Hi, WW. The idea of tea with milk will send them to the loo again!

Trubes said...

This is a yarn about "The Brits" on Holiday!
As you probably know Welshcakes, I have quite an ecletic taste in food. I love to eat the cuisine of whichever country I am visiting.
After spending 10 days on the island of Ibiza with 4 teenage girls and one sulky 8year old, (not to be recommended), also having to eat the most dire food one could imagine, we were desperate for a "good feed".
The Spanish cuisine is not amongst my favourites but am prepared to eat it when on holiday. I can usually get by on Tapas, Paella and Chicken Marengo, etc.Foolishly, we refused all pleas from the "teenage camp" for the usual Brit diet of Burger and Fries or Bacon and Eggs with Baked Beans.
On the 10th day of the holiday, and absolutely ravenous, we came across an Irish Cafe that was serving a traditional Sunday Roast.
We sat outside in the blistering heat and ordered the "works". Roast Pork and Crackling with Sage and Onion Stuffing ,Apple Sauce, Roast Potatoes, Carrots and Turnip, Cauliflower in a Bechamel sauce and Garden Peas. Topping all of this was the most delicious Gravy imaginable. To follow was Apple Pie and Custard.
Now, the only people who could eat such a meal at a beachside Cafe, at 92F in Spain. has to be "The Brits" on Holiday!
For the remaining 4 days of the holiday we dined at the Cafe. The stroppy teenagers, overnight, changed from monsters into reasonable human beings, after a few good ,Traditional Irish Breakfasts and wonderful Roast Dinners.
All that was needed, to complete the scenario of "Brits on Holiday" was hankies on the head, with a Knot in each corner, sandals, socks, and a copy of the Daily Mirror....."Perfik".

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Lovely tale, Trubes. Thanks for sharing it here. [Still laughing!]

Claire said...

Sums us up pretty well I think.

Life without The Archers?! never- a change in the cast causes disquiet after all.
Maybe can add the following:
milk in your tea
A British breakfast although many Europeans see it is an inexplicable greasy meal and retch at the thought even before trying this oh so traditionl fare.
We do say thanks an awful lot apparently so I have been told or maybe its just me?

Anonymous said...

WCL -

Well, amongst my office colleagues here in Blighty I am an object of no inconsiderable fun for my dedication to The Archers. A soap opera on the radio? Never! And this from people who wouldn't dream of missing an episode of East Enders, Corrie or Emmerdale. Soaps on the telly? Great! On the radio? Inexpressably odd.

And as for the cheese course, well, when I was at Cambridge we paid off a number of dinner obligations by inviting a bunch of people around for a giant beano. As it happened, it was in the midst of an international conference, so one of our guests was French. We did the usual 3 courses followed by cheese and biscuits, then coffee. Not so odd, right? Except the French delegate said, "I can't wait to tell my wife about this. You've served the dessert and then the cheeses. She won't know what to think of this."

de gustibus, eh?

Ellee Seymour said...

This is a great read highlighting so many of our idiosycracies. I would love a tv in the kitchen to watch the news while I'm cooking, but I fear the men in my house will take it over to watch endless football which would drive me up the wall.

jams o donnell said...

And then there's the coup de grace - CRICKET... I know it's a madness we share with other Commonwealth countries but the rules are guaranteed to make the head explode...

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Hi, kissa. I just cannot imagine life without "The Archers" although I have to listen to it on the net now. Yes, Itals just don't understand tea with milk! [Mind you, I hate it too!] I think we probably say "Sorry" more often! Hi, Ludlingtonian. Glad to know you are a fellow-addict. I think a radio soap is just great because you can imagine the characters' appearance yourself. Love your Cambridge story and thank you for telling it here. Thanks, Ellee. You can't risk having a TV that the men could take over! Hi, jams. I must admit I don't understand cricket myself but you are right - mention it here and eyes glaze over!

Sean Jeating said...

Hm, and wouldn't you say 'oh, sorry' whenever an unobservant contemporary were bumping into you? :)

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Hi, Sean. Yes, probably!

Anonymous said...

WCL -

I'm of a generation that, in the States, grew up without the benefit of radio soaps. That belonged to my parents' generation.

Some while ago my mum came over for a visit. At the time we didn't have telly, so it was pretty much a week of Radio 4. For my mum, who had grown up in the era of the great American radio serials, it was a bit of a revelation. We very nearly converted her to the joys of Archer-dom before she had to go home.

It really is true what they say about radio - the pictures really are better! LOL

Chelsea + Shiloh said...

Yep, we drive on the left, no tv in kitchen (why would you want one there?)...We used to have radio serial programmes..now Im getting into books being read on the radio,
We get confused on dinner being lunch, and tea being dinner...My son bought an apartment and I talked him into putting a machine in the kitchen...he thought it the oddest thing..untill my generation, all drank tea and not coffee, I married an Italian and fresh coffee was novel and hard to come by

Many of our nations foibles come from the homeland..lol

Liz Hinds said...

A lot of young people say, 'How you doing?' when they greet you. Am I supposed to say the same back? or just ignore the fact that it's a question and treat it as a greeting and say, 'hello'?

We saw some train-spotters on the weekend! I sort of thought - if I thought about it all - that train-spotting had died out.

Matt Crawford? What a slimebag.

Sharon said...

How about spaghetti in a CAN???

Perhaps this a United States thing. I recall the label said Franco-American.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Ciao, Ludlingtonian. Chuckling thinking of you nearly converting your Mum into being an Archers fan. Agree about the pics being better! Hi, Abbey. Beats me why they want a TV in the kitchen, too! Students get very confused about "lunch" and "dinner" and as soon as you sort it out, you find yourself having to explain that "school dinner" is lunch and so is "Xmas dinner"! Hi, Liz. Yes, they do, don't they? - Even more confusing for English learners! Agree about Matt Crawford [a character in "The Archers" for anyone who doesn't follow it.] Hi, Sharon. Now that idea does horrify me - do I dare tell them about it?!!

Baht At said...

I never understood why The Archers wasn't broadcast on the world service. It would civilise the world overnight.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Hi, baht at. I totally agree.

Anonymous said...

Excellent feature - could well be developed for wider readership!

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Thanks for that thought, Shirl - and Lola, of course!

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